My Heavenly Father

Although I've been procratinating on Personal Progress focusing on other things lately, I haven't been neglecting going to Church and trying to progress my testimony.  I have a pretty okay testimony, but it is still a baby in my eyes.  I've never haad the courage to get up on Fast & Testimony sunday and bear my soul for all to hear.  Mostly because when I get in front of a number of people I know to speak, my lip quivers and my ugly cry face comes out.  One thing I love & hate about my testimony is I am instantly moved to tears everytime I think, read or speak of my faith.  I love every part of it and I know in my heart that this is the one true Church on the Earth. I believe with all my heart and soul, if anyone and I mean ANYONE would sincerely open their hearts & minds to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it, it can and will change your life forever. 
My thoughts turn to those who are scared of consequences or being "tied down" by God.  I know people probably think I'm like a slave to my religion, but it's not a prison sentence, it's a gift to live freely & safely.   I used to work at a restuarant where I had no LDS co-workers and mostly everyone were just C&E Christians (Christmas & Easter) if they ever went to Church period.  I remember they would ask me a lot about my religion and what I believed.  But one memory stands out in my mind. A manager of mine had an infant son.  He and his girlfriend were debating/arguing on where and when to get their son christened or baptized.  He wanted to have to son baptized and I said, "Why? I mean, no offense but you're not religious are you?" And he replied, "No, but my parents are and I was raised in their religion.  I really don't want my son to be punished because I didn't baptize him.  He shouldn't go to hell because of me."

I couldn't imagine the image of God this man had in his life.  A fire breathing man with no regard for babies? I mean, honestly people think BABIES go to hell? BABIES???  I couldn't (and still cannot) wrap my little head around that that.  From that moment on, I had a very real, very strong image and testimony of My Heavenly Father that I'd like to share.

For those of us that are blessed to have children, it will be much easier to understand my view of God.  I never understood unconditional, unchanging love until I had my son & daughter.  These tiny little humans stole my heart before I had even met the gaze of their wide eyes and stroked their fuzzy heads.  They were perfect in every single way and no one could change my mind.  After I became a Mother, I then understoon everything my Mom had gone through with me.  She'd cried with me, prayed for me and been my best friend through my awkward adolecent years & grumpy teen years.

Our Heavenly Father is just that... our Father.  He loves us unconditionally.  Yes, we may break his rules. We might get mad at Him for not giving us what we want, when we want it.  We might feel as though we cannot talk to Him about certain feelings we're having.  But we can! We need to view him as a little child would view their Daddy.  Loving, caring, willing to kiss our boo-boos whenever we scrape our knees.  He will always be there to listen to us, no matter what we've said or done... He will be there, we just have to open the door. 

This may be a little radical for some, but I'm pretty edgy.  I have the utmost respect for God, Christ and the Holy Ghost.  But I use analogies as other artists work in watercolors.  I think of the 3 Big Guys as my family, so they're cool if I'm casual.  Okay, here goes! If you're having trouble relating to God, Christ & the Holy Ghost, think of this in this light:

God - He is your Daddy.  Always there to help you out and to fix any problem you might have.  He may have a firm hand now and then, but He always does it lovingly. Your Father wants you to have a good life and watches out for you at every turn.

Jesus - Jesus is your really cool older brother that you've been trying to be like you're entire life (even though you know you'll never be that perfect!)  He does everything right and sometimes is discouraging to be compared to Him.  But He helps you grow closer to Dad in so many ways.  He's you're life line and has saved your life in more ways than one. What an amazing brother, right? He loves giving to others, helping people, He follows all of Dad's rules AND He literally sacrifced his life so you could have the freedom to choose a path for yourself!

The Holy Ghost - The Holy Ghost is your BFF.  He comforts you when you're sad, when you need a friend, he's there.  He wraps his arms around you even though he knows you might not feel it.  He calms you, protects you and helps you understand everything your Father, Brother & other siblings (prophets) have said.

Another Year has Passed...

I just looked at this blog, and it's been almost a YEAR since I last posted, and I am still stuck in the same place.  A lot of things have changed in the past year, and I have been very, very busy with life so therefore, my project was put on hold.

In the past year I turned 23 & hit my 5 year mark for baptism.  My husband graduated from nursing school and passed his boards.  We had a darling baby girl just 2 weeks ago and my adorable son turned 2 years old.  Plus I was working a lot and I am a horendous pregnant lady... seriously, steer clear of me while I'm with child.  I'm angry, irrational, and just down right insane.  Not to mention the morning sickness, swollen feet and need for at least 20 hours of sleep a day.  But, I am glad to say, I am not prego anymore and I am holding my darling daughter in my arms right now :) 

For some reason, after I gave birth this time around, I've had the strangest urge to do everything at once.  I wish I felt good enough to start exercising and cooking healthy for the family, but after birth pains are awful, especially since I had back labor!  Any way, I have this urge to start my PP because I miss going to church!  Between being on bedrest for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and keeping baby home for a while, I haven't been to church in almost 8 weeks! 

So tonight, I acutally starting reading through and starting my journal for PP!!!  I'm trying to get myself organized so I can multi-task Value Experiences & plan out my 10 hour projects.  Plus, with all the time I have at night while feeding the new baby, I should breeze through most of the reading assignments with no problem!

So here is my vow, I hope to be able to start this project seriously and hope to finish it within 1 year :)
Wish me Luck!

Strength of Patty

Just to see where I am in my transformation, I just want to see where I am in the For Strength of Youth.

Agency and Accountability - I completely understand agency and accountability, and that I am responsible for all of my actions.  If I get angry, that's my choice, if I decide to get drunk... it's my choice and I cannot blame anyone for not stopping me or influencing me.  Only if I am forced to do something against my will.



Gratitude - I have been taking a special time in my prayers to give thanks to the Lord each day, and I have been trying to see the good in all things.  Like, instead if thinking, "I have to work again?" I think, "I'm grateful I have a good job that I love and good people to work with"  OR "Why doesn't my husband do what I ask?" I think, "I'm so glad I have him in my life. Mess or no mess"

Education - I completed 2 associate degrees in 2009.  One for Culinary Arts and another for Hospitality Management.  I am constantly trying to read the scriptures, and go to all church meetings to educate myself of the gospel.


Family -  My family is the most important thing to me, next to the gospel.  I love them with all my heart and I'm glad I have them in my life, forever.


Friends - Most of my friends are not members, although they are good, honest people.  I've always said just because people are in the church doesn't mean they're good people, and just because they don't, doesn't mean they're bad.  I believe my friends uplift me and help when in times of need.  Although our language could definatel use some cleaning up, especially mine.


Dress and Appearance - I feel as if my dress and appearence are pleasing unto the Lord.  I avoid wearing anything too low cut, or too short and try to wear my makeup and hair in ways that are flattering to my lifestyle. I do not know if this would change if I lost some weight, I might be tempted to wear disrespectful clothing.


Entertainment and the Media - This area could definately use some improvement!  I have been trying to watch better movies like LDS comedies and dramas, but I do enjoy my gossip shows and innappropraite movies! I will most definately need help in this department.


Music and Dancing - I also need to be careful of what I allow myself to listen to.  Some music on the radio isn't something I want my child listening so why is it okay for me?

**Language** - This is probably my biggest problem area! I am embarassed to say I have been cursing since I was in grade school.  That's the problem with having a guy friends... but it was my choice and no one made me curse. I just wanted to fit it. 

But in a testimony meeting someone made an analogy that really hit home. While talking to a friend, his friend asked "why is it wrong to curse?" and he replied, "You wouldn' talk to your General like that, because it would be disrespectful, right?" and he said, "Oh of course, that makes a lot of sense now."

Our language reflects who we are as people, and L. Tom Perry once said, "Profanity is the effort of a feeble brain to express itself forcibly".

And just remember, if you can replace the profanity with clean words like, "dang", "fetch", "oh my heck", "mother father", "son of a potato"...it's really difficuly to stay mad when you make yourself laugh with the funny phrases that come out of your mouth.

Dating - I don't think this is applies to me, since I am a happily married.  But continuing dating as a married couple is important.


Sexual Purity - Although this may not apply to me since I am married, it could be and is a problem for other married individuals. Sexual Purity before you married is resisting any urges to break the law of chastity.

After you're married, it applies to being faithful and true to your spouse.  Engaging in promiscuous behavior or inappropraite conversations outside your marriage, including pornography, is not staying sexually pure for your spouse.


Repentance - Can be difficult, especially if you are full of pride.  But it is an important part of LDS belief and our sacrament meetings.  Most small things you can repent for by yourself, between you and the Lord.  With some bigger problems, involvment with a Bishopric memeber is required.  Remember, even the Prophet, Joseph Smith was called by the Lord to repent unto him.  It's something everyone has to do, and something I am quite comfortable with.


Honesty - This is a gray area for me.  I love honesty, probably to the point of being mean, which is never a good thing.  We are supposed to be honest without hurting others.  I am sometimes a little too honest and blunt, but I try to do it with a soft side... so it may help the person and not bring them down.  This is something I struggle with.

 **Sabbath Day Observance** - This is a big red flag for me.  Almost as much as my language problem.  In the beginning of my membership in the church, I was living with my non-member parents and had non-member friends, so it hard to explain why all of a sudden I couldn't go shopping on Sunday.  When my Mom and Dad joined it got a little better, and even better once I started going to the single's ward.

But it all went down hill when I started working in idustries that did business on Sundays.  So after I worked as a server for a few months, I managed to get Sundays off... but now that I work in retail and new and the only dependable employee, I usually have to work Sundays.   I usually end up grabbing something to eat on my way to work, or going to the store too. 

I need to realize that I can only do things on the Sabbath out of necessity.  If I have to work, I have to work.  But I don't need to go to wal*mart unless some is sick, or I don't need to grab a coke or McDonald's on the way to work... I can bring my own water or make myself a sandwich.
Tithes and Offerings - Now this is one thing I can honestly say I've never waivered on paying my tithing. And on the months I honestly forgot to pay, I noticed I didn't have the extra money like I usually did to pay my bills.  When you pay that 10% to God, he pays you back in more ways than you can imagine. 


Physical Health - This is another area that I need to seriously work on.  I do not eat healthy and I do not exercise.  Although I do follow the word of wisdom's main points: No coffee, no tea leaves, no alcohol and no tobacco.  But the Word of Wisdom also says to eat meat sparingly and eat fruits and  vegetables when in season.  And I believe it also says something about exercising regularly.  This is something I've always struggled with and i]I will continue to struggle with.  Food is my passion... I love eating unhealthy foods... this will be a whole new level of challenging.


Service to Others - Serving others is something I understand, but I'm not always willing to give myself in service.  This is something I will work on slowly.

Prayer

One of my biggest struggles is prayer.  I've never been completely comfortable with praying by myself, with my spouse, with the family or at meals. Now, it's not I don't like talking to the Lord, but I get so self concious when I prayer... like I'm doing it wrong. 

It was really difficult when I first joined the church,  when I was saying night time prayers, I never wanted anyone to walk in one me.  Growing up our family always scoffed at people saying prayers at dinner or in restaraunts, so I felt embarssed that I was now one of those people.  So I tried to hide when I prayed, I did it discreetly as possible.  I didn't want to seem like a goody two shoes in front of my family, I didn't want to be "Holier than thou" attitudes.  So prayer kind of got pushed to the side. Although I am constantly talking with God all day long, with small prayers here and there I never would get down on my knees like I should.

After re-reading my patriarchal blessing*,I remembered the Lord promised my prayers would be answers as I go to him on my knees.  During teaching a Relief Society Lesson, it hit me: This is why my life isn't going the way it should be!  I've been trying and trying to put a call through, but I never hit the send button... I wasn't holding up my end of the deal. 

I have been working dillegently on my prayers.  I try to say them at least at all our meals, and when we go to bed.  It's definately something I'm still struggling with daily.  It's so easy to just crawl into bed without saying a prayer, but I know that's what I need to do.  I at least owe that to my Heavenly Father, he gives me so much and care so much about me... how could I not thank him every chance I get?


*Patriarchal Blessing - are given to worthy members of the Church by ordained patriarchs. Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection.

Jumping Off Point

This grand journey I am taking has so many possible starting places, but where should I start?  Prayer? Scripture Study? Family Home Evening? Food Storage? I want to begin this journey, but I can't find the starting line! 


After thinking about it and praying about it, I got the feeling that anywhere I started would be a great place.  I've started watching better, more wholesome entertainment like choosing to watch an LDS movie instead of others.  But is that really enough?


So I thought again... and I came to the conclusion that I was need to learn the priciples like children or tee\ns do.  And since I'm too old for seminary and I have a calling in Relief Society, I can't go to class like them so I will have to be my own teacher.  Luckily, I grew up in a very good home, being born of goodly parents who taught me how to be a good person and how to stand for what I believe in.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think those vaules would fit in with my chosen religion.  (Thanks Mom & Dad) I also had great missionaries who tunred into friends, and friends who turned into member missionaries that taught me a lot by answering my questions and teaching me by example. 


I am going to start by going over the simple things of the church's principles.  Things like The Articles of Faith, the Word of Wisdom, The Family Proclamation, and  For the Strength of Youth.  After reading these things,  I'm going to start doing scripture mastery, because sometimes I feel left out when people talk about things from their youth. 


I really need to start setting some goals for myself!  Okay, First goal: I would like to read my entire set of scriptures by the end of the year!  That's a big goal... a lot of reading but if I do it everyday,  I'll be able to do it.  Okay, I feel a little bit better now that I have one goal.  I think I'm going to make one page of just goals that I can update as I think of them and check them off when I complete them... This was supposed be a one year project, but it's going to be more a lifetime change... and that's what I need to to be.  I will never be done working on myself or helping my growing family become we need to become :)


If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please let me know!

Inspiration

After watching the movie Julie & Julia, my friend and I were both inspired to start our own blogging project.  Reilly Faith is doing her own transformation at http://freedomandforever.wordpress.com/ about transforming her life in several ways, including body, mind and soul.  She is fabulous and a great blogger!


I have decided to start something that has been on my mind for 5 years, and I will be working on it for all of eternity.  I want to become the perfect Mormon Woman, and I want to have the ideal Mormon Family.


Some may ask why I would put such a huge burden on my life...  but I believe it is my duty to become as perfect as I can!  I want to be the role-model, the girl people look and think "Wow, how does she do it?"... and I'll be able to tell them I did it by faith, hard work, determination, practice, scripture study and prayer.


This is by far the most difficult task I could ever make for myself and my family...  but I need a do it.  I love my family, I love my Church, and I love my Heavenly Father & Jesus :)


I know if I put my faith in the Lord, He will provide a way for me to do the things I need to do.